“A tradition unlike any other”— Live From the Gutter Presents: The Annual Birthday Poem to My COO, best friend, and future owner of the yankees: Cory Sigadel is 27 ladies and gentleman

Cory’s 27th BIRTHDAY POEM

Hello Sir, SHABOT SHALOM!
I think its time I finally wrote your B-Day Poem!

I’m a bit later then usual, I’m quite sorry I’ve just been busy running around my FAVORITE SCHOOL.
And then of course there was a little hiccup last week, no big deal I just dropped my phone in the POOL!

Anyways the whole town knows the great ASOP’s FABLES would never forget about your BIRTHDAY
Unlike @NikiGinsberg, who every time she hears Jake Sing, falls in LOVE, and completely forgets he’s GAY!

I wish you a Happy 27th Birthday sir, I LOVE U man, I can’t believe we’ve made it this far
Coming to you Live from somewhere in Smallwood, the whole world is still wondering…. “Why did you hit that car?!”

I’ve known you for so long, What’s its been now like over 20 years?!
What’s even more impressive is, I’m pretty sure I still owe you about 8,000 BEERS!

Seriously though, we did it, we beat THE SYSTEM, and we’ve had a BLAST almost the ENTIRE TIME
No matter what, we’ve shown up like true gentleman, and just told anyone who bothered us……”We’re just here so we don’t get fined!”

Seems like just yesterday Big Dave and the Old man were coaching us on the ICE
Speaking of that Burbon Legend, did you hear he sold my car…. Hey Dad, That wasn’t very nice!

Sk8Hard and Soccerstriker9, we’ve been through a lot, who knew we would last this long
I heard a funny rumor by the way, @MadisonBeer just came out with a new song?!!!

Wow seems like just yesterday we were all messing around playing sports in Jordan’s backyard
10 years later, not much has changed….. He’s still a FULL FLEDGED RETARD!

What’s going on with our Fat Friend Kurtis is he still blowing all of his parents money on Women’s Tennis matches and Caymus?
Or is it true he’s graduated to spending all their CASH on PRIVATE HELICOPTER rides, now that “FRAT DAVID” is OFFICIALLY FAMOUS!

Where’s Justin Miller at, I heard he finally decided to create his First MY-SPACE page?
Let’s all just pretend like its still cool, Kinda like we do with JB, who thinks he’s MURDERING LIFE on his McDonald’s MINIMUM WAGE!

So Brad and Siegelman have now moved into a new penthouse suite, what a lovely couple those two make.
Remind me how we let them win a Burbon again, that’s even worse then the time we let Adam win for goodness sake!

Speaking of the grandest LEAGUE OF THEM all, its almost time for MOCKING season
-450 Alex Korn won’t show up for the ROLL-OFF….. for absolutely NO REASON!

I see the SLEV TRADE EXCHANGE has already gotten an early jump start on the new year
He decided to trade @LizzieOrent, for a package of picks; including @NatalieShwartz, some Marlboro Lights, and a fresh rack of Beer!

Is it true that David Chase finally put young Richard Parker to Rest?
All I know is, I don’t care if they never win a BURBON….. THE COLLUSION BROTHERS ARE THE BEST!

By the way I would like to formally welcome you to the 2 Ring Club…
I can’t believe it took you so long to catch the CJ Spiller 1st Overall Mockery of a Shlub!

It would be a crime if I didn’t mention your new girlfriend in this beautiful Haiku
Afterall She might be the GOAT, Lauren De Saint Martin is a better poet then ME AND YOU!!!!

Alright I think its time for me to say my farewell I’ll try to keep this one short and sweet
Can I ask you one favor though, how bout this year while your drafting, YOU TRY NOT TO CHEAT!!!

It’s about two years wayyyyy past overdue, but I’m pretty damn positive I still haven’t finished repaying one of our “USUAL BETS”
I’ve been avoiding the BIKINI WAX like borenstein in 2015, but I think its time for this LANISTER TO FINALLY PAY HIS DEBTS!

Farewell my friend this has been quite a pleasure, I hoped you liked this year’s birthday RHYME
I’m gonna go take a shower, have a beer, maybe even sleep with an UNDERAGE female in Indiana tonight…. WHO KNOWS IF I’LL HAVE THE TIME!

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