Anddd for the final and 3rd part of this epic weekend our story takes us to THE PARLOR. Or what may be known as the Best Sports Bar in LA.
Sooo let me tell you that when this day started I never could have imagined how amazing this whole experience would turn out to be. You see I never planned on watching the game in a bar. I’m just not a bar guy, I wanted comfort of my own home, game volume up all that good stuff. Especially after the Boston game yesterday I got my bar fix, or so I thought.
But as I started to head over to my friends place I got some very troubling news. Apparently his roomate and his girlfriend were going to be occupying the TV with anything but the game on.
Jesus Christ now it’s 1pm and I’m in the middle of west hollywood
Me: “where the fuck am I supposed to go man I’m fucked?”
My boy: “Go to the Parlor, its the Best Sports Bar in LA”
Me: “Wow, thats a heavy statement you sure?”
My boy: “Yes trust me its the best spot go check it out”
So I instruct my UBER driver to change locations and off I head toward this Parlor place. I show up and I see a line ooo boy, and a bouncer with a list. I walk up to the door and the first thing he says to me is I can’t let you in with shorts and sandals.
I’m like really a dress code in LA? Since when I thought everything was legal?!! People bring dogs into clubs in this place Wowwww.
Ok I guess I’m out on this bar. So I head off in search of another bar down the strip. I couldn’t see the inside of The Parlor so I had no clue what I was missing.
As I started to walk around though every bar I popped into was completely dead and didn’t even have the game on. So now its getting even closer to game time and I’m starting to panic.
I call my boy bugging out wondering if I should just head on over to a bar 30 minutes away that I know is good. Problem is theres so much traffic that I won’t make kickoff in time. Ahh who knew the LA traffic would make my day!
Soo at this point I head back towards the Parlor its like 30 minutes until game time and I’m hoping I can just pay this bouncer off. Once I walk up to him again he gives me the scoop. Basically the owners would have his ass if he let me in with shorts and sandal, its just simply not allowed.
So I’m thinking I’m fucked its not meant to be. Then just as I’m about to leave who strolls up to the bar to walk in….. CHAD JOHNSON! A.k.a OCHOCINCO!
Wow thee chad johnson the legend in the flesh so cool. Some kid asked him for a picture and so then I just decided to go for it and ask him for one as well why not that kid was already being annoying first!
Anyways it was a sign! Chad Johnson walked in such a good omen I felt it I needed to go in there. I plead with the bouncer and he tells me he’ll let me cut the entire line I just need to get myself some jeans and sneakers.
Great I have less then 20 minutes to do this fuck meee. So I call my boy where I was supposed to watch the game and he says it would take way to long for me to get to him and get jeans I would miss the whole first quarter.
He suggested I just go down to a thrift store on Melrose so in my panic state I start sprinting down Melrose looking for any store with jeans. It’s 15 minutes until gametime I’m freaking out.
I look into tons of different stores nobody has jeans until I finally come across this fancy looking store and old man chilling in there. He’s got tons of jeans and I tell him my size but it legit took like 8 pairs of jeans of me trying on to get one that fits.
I had no clue how much they would cost I didn’t care at that point but when he told me 150 bucks I spit out my coffee and I wasn’t even drinking any!
$150?!! Are you serious sir is there anything you can do? Will I be able to return these if I don’t like them? (that was my plan the entire time)
He says why would you want to return them and I say nevermind can you just discount me something he gives me 15 bucks off, what a “gent” he was.
JEANGATE 2017 here we go this is going to be trouble with this Old Man I know it! He then rips off all my tags and goes here now you can wear it out. Ooo fuck me now I’m tagless well at least I have the receipt I can’t worry about this now I have 5 minutes to get to the packers game and I don’t have sneakers!
So I sprint out of there and head back towards the Parlor praying that something will be open and low and behold there was this cool almost NIKE mini store. I run in all frantic and look at someone who works there and say
“alright I’m in a super rush I’m trying to buy socks and sneakers and not miss the beginning of the packers game how fast can you help me?!”
Literally one guy brings me over to the socks and says “here how bout one of these?”. While I’m picking out a pair the other is like “ooo I got the perfect sneakers for you what size?”
He then comes back with these awesome looking kicks and tells me they are half off 45 bucks! Awesome I might like legit wear these things out. That place was such a success I can’t believe how quick that all was. The two guys that helped me were fucking awesome I promised them free drinks if the packers won and I can’t wait to go back and make that happen I bet they think I forgot, Never!
So I race on over back to the Parlor and theres an even bigger line, but as promised, the door guy lets me go right in now that I was properly dressed. I dart in and it appears as though I’ve only missed like two plays wow Unreal!
As I walk in I notice there’s like a zillion different screens 10 different viewing areas projectors the works! Now I can tell why this place is such hot a spot great setup. Not ready to call it the Best sports bar in LA yet but we’ll see.
So I head towards the back where I see what looks like the biggest and clearest projector. I then see some packers fans and of course a smoking hot packers chick sitting in the best seat in the house. Ughh did I mention I love hot girls who are into sports?!!
Sooo now I’m chilling somehow second row right behind two Dallas fans and surrounded by other Packers fans. As I had walked through the place I noticed the bar was mostly Cowboys fans but pretty quickly you could tell the Packers fans were going to bring the noise. We were louder and crazier from the start. Maybe partly because we started so hot and were just so confident. The Cowboys fans were nervous from the get go you could just feel it in the air they were scared. The team came out scared with all the 12 men on the field nonsense, they had everything to lose, we were playing with house money and Aaron Rodgers its not fair!
So as the game goes on I start to bond with everyone around me naturally and guess whose chilling behind me, just Randall Cobbs Best friend. Like legit best friend, he’s showing me videos with Cobb and all this stuff from the locker room, its awesome.
The game was such a blast, the packers crew was unreal and the packers obviously gave us a lot to cheer about. At some points I was flirting with the hot packers chick and every time they did something good the high fives hugs grabbing all of it fantastic! Hot girls and sports combined my two favorite things magical!
They also had this smoking hot bartender who was wearing a Cowboys jersey and had her tits out for the world. She was killing it. It would take people over 5 minutes to get drinks near me and every time I put my finger up she would just bring over a bud light unreal.
The crazy thing was I wasn’t even flirting with her that much, but after the game I went to complement her about how good she was, and I mentioned I manage bars. She then said she would maybe want to work for me and just offered me her number! (Girl Bartenders don’t give there numbers out to guys often trust me!).
My phone happened to be dead and she said no problem and wrote it down on a piece of paper and handed it to me! Jesus am I having a good weekend or what? And yes it was her real number because we spoke yesterday!
Anyways so back to the game, somewhere midway through I started to notice that they were playing music during all the commercial breaks. I think I was so excited to the start of the game I didn’t notice. But I realized the music wasn’t just playing it was perfectly timed and it was banging. Of courseeeee they had a DJ piping in tunes during commercial breaks, that’s some serious next level shit and it was fantastic!
I swear I think he played “Bad and Boujee” during the 28-28 all break and I’ll never forget how wild it got. Not to mention I was surrounded by a lot of black people so it got rowdyyyyy.
Then of course came time for the final field goal. All of us packers fans were ready to go bezerk. What was crazy is we all celebrated the first kick before we realized it was a timeout. Cobbs boy broke his glass on the floor and that field goal didn’t even count.
Sooo of course he goes if he hits this I’m breaking another one and he did!
The place went bananas the Packers fans I mean boy that was one of if not the most exciting sports games I have ever been a part of! Just magical from start to finish capped off in a walk off winner ughhh doesn’t get any better then that!
It was a love fest the only thing that would been toooo perfect would have been if the smoking hot packers woman would have made out with me!
Regardless I legit almost had a heart attack I was so excited during that game. Towards the end I had to pop Advil’s from all the yelling and chug water I felt like I was going to throw up from being so excited and drunk and high and overwhelmed with happiness all at once. I had to sit and calm down it was actually really bad I was almost hyperventilating.
Then Cobbs boy invited me to his table to celebrate that night which would have been awesome had I gotten there on time to get in. Unfortunately a series of events where my phone died and then I decided to go home and change led to me basically missing the club. No big deal nothing was going to take me down from my high I was on cloud 12 if that even exists!
Soo yup that was the Parlor, self proclaimed best bar to watch Sports in LA and it lived up to the hype thats for sure!
Of course you didn’t hear anything about my boys coming with me to this bar because they all chose to go with Evans cousin Sam on a stupid Hike… fucking morons!
Oooo well I had the best day ever no big deal and the perfect close to a sick weekend.
That my friends will conclude this 3 part blog about an epic weekend which somehow didn’t even involve intercourse for anyone from our crew. That’s when you know you had a good time who needs to have sex when its snowing in Los Angeles!
Well the crew that will be deemed the CALI SAVAGES shall now live on forever through this thing we like to call the internet and my ridiculous GUTTER BLOG!
Alrightyyyyy blogs are coming out piping hot
Rumor has it the Gutter might even be going public sometime soon uh oooo
Live debut that could be wild is the world ready for this madness?
This shit is too REAL for people to handle but what choice do I have its almost time for me to go public. Sell all your Keith Berman shares while you can because once my parents see this I’ll probably be cut off from the internet somehow, they will find a way!
Its been real ladies and gentleman
RUN THE TABLE