Oooo boy did I have a fun evening last night. Lets just dive right in…
So I decided to go out on a solo run, no idea what to expect per usual and its a rainy wednesday in Los Angeles so I wasn’t getting my hopes up.
I figure I might as well go to Cabo Cantina. 2 for 1 drinks not trying to break the bank on a wednesday, plus maybe there could be some sluts lingering around a spot like that.
When I walk in theres a group of girls to my right they all look kinda beat and then some random kid just sitting at the bar, its a small bar so I squeeze myself right in between the two.
Next thing you know I’m chatting up this kid whose fresh off the boat from London. (You sound like your from LONDON!)
Turns out he landed in LA hours ago and has been traveling all over the world by himself, pretty cool.
As were chatting and I’m beginning to notice theres basically no talent in this bar whatsoever but right now I feel someone rubbing up against me.
One of the the girls from that group then grabs me and has a flirty apology. She’s a bit thick but showing off her tits well, she’s wearing those puppies out and its certainly helping the cause.
Mind you I showed up to this bar, high as a Kite (per usual), and had a couple glasses of whiskey and a bunch of beers.
Lets call a spade a spade…… I’m not going out on a Wednesday because I’m not horny as fuck right now!
Sooo after she begins to talk to me and the London kid she continues to keep touching me more and more, she’s downnnn.
So I ask her for a tour upstairs, she obliges. We go up there to chill and boom, I’m hooking up with a fat chick just like that.
She’s like grabbing my dick as were hooking up of course because all fat chicks are super slutty and love giving head!
(But what do I know I’ve never hued up with a single fat chick in my life before! Wink wink)
Unfortunately this young girl from Loyala Marymount (I think they made the NCCA tournament once) doesn’t wanna bring me over and blow me, what an asshole!
I’m a good guy who wouldn’t want to just give me a quick blowjob its like the New French kissing these days…. only I get all of the enjoyment!
She pulls an aggressive handing me her phone for me to add my number move and then says hit her up to hang out. Pshhh sure just want I want to do now chase after this chick jesusss.
Luckily for me my night was far from over though because London kid is downstairs waiting and wants to keep partying with me.
Sooo we venture on off towards the Bungalow.
I would be remiss If I didn’t mention that this “world traveler” brought all these foreign credit cards and nobody was accepting them so I was paying for the UBERs and who do you think paid when they didn’t accept his card when he tried buying us some drinks out?
This guy you know it!
I wasn’t sure what Bungalow would be on a rainy wednesday and sure enough it was dead.
Literally I couldn’t find more then a couple fat random girls scattered around. Most girls were with guys or there just weren’t any.
Ughhh guess this is going to be a bust. But as I’m walking to the bathroom this chick that’s even bigger then my first girl catches my eye. (Clearly I still have my head set on that fat chick blowjob)
She’s just sitting there and so I strike up a convo. Before you know it were smoking my vape pen and then I’m attempting to extract her out of the club. I’m not making out with this chick in public, hell nooooo.
(I get it I’ll probably have to kiss her for a blowjob but that still doesn’t mean I have to do it in public!)
Then she tries to set up my London friend with her ugly tall just differently shaped fat friend. As they are talking she’s like rubbing up against me and grabbing my dick and stuff which I’m totally down for at this point.
Me and London then have a discussion about what to do….. should we bring these chicks back to his place or go there? We need more liquor to get with these beasts that’s all I know.
Once it’s officially determined that Liquor is essential and since he doesn’t have any we have to go back to downtown LA to there place.
Joining us on this trip out of nowhere was a third Fat friend of theres who was wearing a belly shirt and had a somewhat pretty face. She was about 30 pounds overweight for a belly shirt but she was being occupied by a decent looking kid who was eating her face off so I didn’t have to look at her stomach. Lovely.
Anyways we have to call an UBER and of course what jackass gets stuck with paying for all this…. Ooo no big deal just the guy who now after paying rent days ago has only 200 dollars to his name!!!
Ugh this girl better blow me.
So off we go, we stuff 6 in an UBER that totally would not have flied in an NYC UBER or Cab they are so strict.
London is sitting up front the rest of us are in back and somewhere along the way his fat chick put her hand in on my crotch area as well.
What’s going on here why are all these fat chicks after my dick like its made of gold tonight?!!
Anyways, as were getting out of the car, belly shirt decides to leave her Iphone in the car so of course by the time she realizes its a problem the car is longggg gone.
But if that wasn’t bad enough then my girl decides to drop her house keys down the elevator shaft!!!
Jesus the 3 fat musketeers!
They were literally complete fuckups, like be worse at this you got 3 good looking dudes down for a FAT CHICK NIGHT!
These girls couldn’t find there way out of paper bag!
By the time we start drinking, belly shirt is still being annoying trying to now get me to call the UBER driver and chick 2 is getting sick.
My girl grabs me pulls me into a side lobby area where nobody is on there floor, starts getting with me ,and grabbing my dick once again. Problem is she’s not blowing me out here in public so I need to get her inside.
Once I do though its just pure chaos because one chick still cant find her phone and the other is getting sick by the toilet. Mind you I just need some more drinks in me this situation is already a mess.
Me and London drink up were both down for this nonsense, we committed, but as his chick is now dead I’m like bro just wait for me to see if I can get her to blow me if not well leave.
I’m with her in the room while her friend is sick and she “feels bad” and doesn’t wanna just leave her like that, aka I’m not getting blown right now.
As I then go to leave she grabs me and puts her hand on my crotch one last time. Oooo great just what I wanted tonight an (OTPHJ) Over the pants Handjob.
I have a subscription to Brazzers people jesus I didn’t NEED to leave my home tonight!!
I cant believe she’s not going to blow me and while she gave me her number and tells me to hit her up tmrw as in today, that clearly isn’t going down.
YOU BLEW IT! YOU HAD YOUR SHOT MORON!
Jesus christ…. so let me guess this straight I kissed 2 fat chicks all evening and I didn’t get one blowjob!
God damn’t….. what a failure I was I couldn’t even close a big girl on FAT WEDNESDAY! (Patent pending)
I don’t know if this is a thing in Los Angeles but I’m kinda loving the idea of #FATWEDNESDAYS.
It’s going to catch on soon just you wait people!
Until next FAT WEDNESDAY, its been real.
Stay classy people…… this is live from the gutterrrrrrrr.