Well obviously the headline gives it away but let me set the stage for you…
Soo as I mentioned on Friday night I met some DJ in a shared UBER ride. Before the holiday party I was attending, I went to this little show at some art gallery he was spinning at. I literally walk up to the DJ Booth and get handed a joint by the DJ, there’s pot everywhere and an open bar so I guess I wasn’t showing up to this holiday party remotely sober.
Now mind you I have literally no idea what to expect at this Holiday party. I mean I met this gay dude once through a mutual friend, he seemed legit, and was apparently decently connected so I figured it would be pretty chillen.
As I got out of my Uber I knew I was in for quite the evening when I looked over at a house and there was fake snow being pumped out into the air.
This can’t possibly be the right house is it? There’s 4 carolers standing 2 feet inside the house singing!
What the heck is going on here?! Wow alright glad I brought a bottle of wine!
I stroll in and my first impression I legit only see people sitting around in the living room mad calm, I felt like Larry David walking into a party he didn’t expect.
Luckily I was allowed to keep my shoes on!
As I start to walk around I notice how beautiful the place is, open bar lovely, andd ooo wow the food room hello! I rolled the dice and didn’t eat before I showed up and boy was I lucky!
The spread was phenomenal. Deviled Eggs, Shrimp, Turkey, steak, amazing dip you name it. Between that and the open bar I was good to go but what followed I never expected.
Obviously by now I’m drunk and High as a kite so naturally I gotta go start to plant some seeds, check out what kind of talent is at the party.
The hottest chick there happened to be some 40 year old Ex Model who was basically playing hostess and helping everyone at the party all night. She was hot, her tits were out for everyone to see, and clearly every guy there wanted to get with her. I didn’t think too much of it at first.
So I went about my merry way, got settled in with the jungle juice, went out to his porch found the pot smoking crew, met some cool people, it was a great time.
Then came dessert and they were even better then the food, but the real game changer, they had Pot Brownies!
Once I ate those I wasn’t about to leave anytime soon, not with all that free amazing food still in the building. So back to this woman, she was barely drinking just some light wine and definitely wasn’t smoking weed but she was mad cool none the less. I wound up helping her once people left taking out the garbage doing all kinds of other helpful ass shit.
Wayyyy more work then I would normally ever put in and the thing was I really was just digging her she was wise beyond her years. (well then again I guess she was 40!)
Sooo somehow after a bunch of dudes tried to hit on her and sleep with her she turns them all down and I wind up being the lucky guy who got to go home with her that evening.
Turns out she was Fergies best friend growing up. (Yes thee Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas) Which in case your wondering was confirmed once I saw the Christmas card they sent her along with all the photos of them together.
She had lived a wild life already; Cancer twice, almost married 5 times, this was a woman with a ton of baggage, but I guess when your 40 without kids that’ll happen.
We stayed up all night talking about nothing I can particularly remember. When it was time to almost go to sleep she gave me some brand new Calvin Klein PJs she had incase anyone ever slept over, hilarious.
Sadly we didn’t have sex I think she said she hadn’t had sex in over a year or something I don’t know, I tried hard trust me , but I did at least get to play with her perfect tits.(They were fantastic for a woman of any age mind you!)
When I woke up she didn’t want me to leave I swear I think she was down to fuck but it was a football sunday and no woman is keeping me from football, no exceptions!
Sooo yup my first ever Holiday party in LA and I wind up sleeping (literally ughh, she probably is amazing in bed also damn’t) with a hot 40 year old no big deal.
What will happen with me and my lady friend in the future who knows…. She did have a spare bedroom and was willing to rent it!
Do I smell a date and shelter?!
Ahhh gotta love the gutter life….. anything is in play baby!