Tinder Madness!…. This guy got me laid?!!

First off before I get into this absurd story…… anyone who doesn’t know who this character is well then you clearly have never seen Saturday Night Live before. If that’s the case, you can stop reading this now because you have awful taste, at life!

Anyways for those of you who have, everyone know’s this clown character Bill Hader used to do.

“Stefon” (Strong emphasis on the onnnnnn)

Because nothing says flaming homesexual more then a man named Stefon!

Basically he’s this really annoying gay guy he plays where he comes on, covers his face a lot for some reason, and talks like a lesbian. He sucks.

Love Bill Hader….. Hate Stefonnnnnnn.

Which brings me to this eveninggggggg

You see about a week ago when I was messing around on Tinder I decided to type versions of “Hi” or “Hello” into the GIF’s and see what pops up.

So of course I scroll through and send out some fliers, change it up each time, probably sent out like 3-4 tops. Just some light casual tinder fishing, standard stuff.

And for one girl I decided to send her a nice GiF of Stefon waving hello.

Harmless I know right, I mean who doesn’t love a good Stefon hello? (certainly not me!)

So I think nothing of it and forget I ever did it. But what makes this so legendary is what followed.

You see one week later which was earlier this evening I get a text at 1:45 am



“Lets hangoutttt

Ummmmm this must be a joke? (while immediately going to check this girls pictures out)

Wait a second she’s kinda cute?

Like real life cute not even Tinder cute!

WTF is going on here!

Let’s see here she’s cute and it says she lives 14 miles away, so like its perfectly reasonable this could happen this evening, if by some miracle of god she’s actually down.

Tinder lottery alert….. bonerrrr patrollll

Alright keep it in your pants, remember this is Tinder here on long island mind you, on a Monday!

Shit like this don’t come around too often.

So I reply with

“Why Hello there”

She gives me some smiley emojis back.

At this point I figure I’ll ask if she wants to hang tmrw night being as its 1:45 she must mean for tmrw.

I mean I already jacked off and brushed my teeth I was ready to shut it down for the evening!

Me: “When Do you wanna hangout u free tmrw night?’

Her: “Lmao I was thinking now”

(Wowwww no she didnt’! Ok keep it smooth big guy…)

Me: “haha hmm I’d be game”

Soo I get her number we start trying to figure out logistics and I find out she lives in…….. Amytiville?!

Ummmm Amytivillle?!!!

Where the fuck is Amytiville??

Am I going to a farm in middle America? What’s going on here am I about to get raped. I’m down to fuck but I’m not driving more then 30 minutes TOPSSS.

Soo basically let me get this straight some cute girl over in Amytiville is horny at 2am, and I’m the lucky guy she chose to come bang her?!

Oooo and she happens to be super skinny, a real life harddd 6 maybe even 7, but at 2am on a fucking Monday….. a Tinder 12!

That’s what we call the TINDER JACKPOTTTTTT!!!!


Sooo before I go I make sure I have at least 2 condoms on me, because who shows up to Amytiville to fuck some chick who first hits you up at 2am without condoms? Duhhh

I also call her just to make sure this is actually some chick and not a 300 pound fat man.

I confirm it is, she sounds cute, so if she’s remotely like her pictures at this hour I’ll take it.

So I get there about 25 minutes later. She comes out,  gets in my car, and we make some meaningless chit chat for about 2 minutes. Turns out she’s a 21 year old college chick, I didn’t even realize I was too preoccupied by the whole nonsense of this in general.

I ask if she smokes weed, which she does (of course). So I offer her my vape pen. And that’s it 5 minutes later were going to town.

I mean this girl was wilddddd. We were both in my backseat naked within seconds, and boyy did she have a slamming body.

Yessss I hit the tinder lottery indeed….. why I deserved this I don’t know.

We did gymnastics back there for about an hour of just start and stop sex. I barely had the stamina let alone the hardness to keep up, but she never wanted to stop.

Obviously I used those condoms because god knows this certainly can’t be this chicks first rodeo doing this!

Anddd so at the end of it before you knew it we looked up its 5am and I think right about time for this party to end. We say our goodbyes and that’s that.

The Tinder Chick from Amytiville… Wow.

What an unexpected little Monday evening that was.

And soooo folkssss, that’s the story of how STEFON got me laid!

I may be in the gutter…. but at least for one evening, that gutter involes a Tinder Chick from Gautelooop with a slamming body in the backseat of my jeep!

Gone Speed,

Happy Gilmore

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