Mom Wants me Out!

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So the time has finally come. Yup, my mother has officially threatened to kick me out of the house. I always knew this day would come. It was never a matter of if, but when.

When you think about a 26 year old still living in his parents’ basement, it’s a shocker I haven’t been threatened more often.

But unlike many at this age, my circumstances are slightly different.

Long story short: at the end of my senior year of college, I was thrown into an insane asylum for running around thinking I was God, famous and hallucinating to levels one could only dream of.

Yes, I was doing my fair share of drugs and partying at the time, but in this case it turns out I was Bipolar and in the midst of an extremely manic episode.

You know when you see people off their rockers in movies? Well multiply that by ten, double it and you’re almost at my level. I went absolutely bonkers, but that’s a story for another day.

Anyway, here I am five years later. I’ve been in and out of so many jobs that I can’t even remember all of them. You see, it would be one thing if I just had to overcome being Bipolar to work, which is hard enough for most. But sprinkle in extremely bad ADHD, Crohn’s Disease, borderline schizophrenia and slight retardation?! Disaster!

But somehow through it all I’ve still kept my sense of humor. It’s funny when you take a look at everything that’s happened to me…I mean what other choice do I have, right?

I’m 26, broke, living in the basement of my parents’ house. I’m having ten times less sex than I was in college and I can’t hold down a job to save my life. But fuck it, I’m still alive right?!

So all I have is a laptop and dream, folks (what that dream is exactly, I couldn’t tell you)

But I figure I might as well let other people join me on this ridiculous journey I’m about to embark on. I’ve been told I have a gift, that I’m apparently quite humorous on paper…so I guess I might as well share it.

I don’t know what to write about other than my dysfunctional life, so for now that’s what I’ll do.

I don’t have much of a plan (better off?) other than that I’m going to take my talents to Los Angeles and head for greener pastures. The land of opportunity they call it!

I barely have any money to my name (this can’t end well). I’m literally going to wind up in a gutter, for real.

Anyways, stay tuned as I continue to update you all on the mess that is my life…

It’s Live From the Gutter baby!

Enjoy everyone.

Gone Speed,


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